Sunday, January 22, 2012

Old School Papers

I was deep cleaning my room, like I always do at the beginning of a year, and came across this old paper I wrote my senior year of high school, back in 2007. I forgot how creative I used to be :) Hope you enjoy it!

The Breakup…After

Store Clerk
Homeless dude who is wearing old clothes and hasn’t shaven in years.

Emily: (Gets into car and begins driving) Now, where shall I go?
Mind: Go left.
Emily: What!? Who said that?
Mind: You did.
Emily: What? No I didn’t!
Mind: Yes, you did.
Emily: My mouth didn’t move, you liar!
Mind: I said GO LEFT!
Emily: Fine! (Mumbles) So pushy.
            (Turns left on green arrow)
            So why haven’t you talked to me before?
Mind: you had a boyfriend.
Emily: Yah, I could see how that could have been a problem….us talking to each                  other and all….so, where to?
Mind: Take a left
            (Turns left)
Emily: so….what do you look like?
Mind: uhh…a little blob in your head.
Emily: okay, right, that was a stupid question. Hmmm…what’s 12 times 12?
Mind: 144
Emily: You’re good!
Stomach: Turn right.
Emily: okay
          (Turns right)
Mind: Why did you turn right?
Emily: you told me too.
Mind: Did not!
Emily: Yes you did, you said turn righ-
Stomach: Turn into this parking lot and go into the store.
                (Turns into parking lot)
Mind: what are you doing?!
Emily: You just said…. “Go into the parking lot, and go inside the store”
Mind: What! You are CRAZY!
Emily: Fine! Fine! Well then tell me, if you didn’t say it, who did?
Stomach: ME!
Emily: What? Me who?
Stomach: Me…stomach…Feed me!
Emily: Huh? Well, why haven’t you talked to me before?
Stomach: I did, but you ignored me because of your boyfriend.
Emily: Oh, that’s true. Well, why do you want me to go into the store?
Stomach: I’m hungry! Feed me!
Emily: Okay…I am a little hungry too.
            (Gets out of car and walks into the store, and heads to the frozen food                        section)
Mind: You’re not hungry
Stomach: Yes, actually I am.
Mind: Liar, I know you are not. You just ate two large cartons of ice cream in the   last hour.
Stomach: I said, I am hungry…now feed me!
Emily: okay, okay you two. If stomach says he’s hungry, let’s just feed him. Mind, stop talking.
Mind: You will get sick; don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Emily: (mumbles to herself) Whatever. Hmmm…Lets see…chocolate pecan,                          chocolate swirl, chocolate caramel, chocolate, chocolate with wafers….
            (Emily and stomach gasp together)
            Chocolate-chocolate-chocolate-chocolate chip with fudge syrup!
Stomach: If I had eyes I would just cry with happiness.
               (Emily walks to the checkout lane and puts ice cream onto the counter                       while she waits for the customer in front of her to check out.)
Leg: OUCH!!!!!
Emily: Now what’s the matter….Mind are you taking?
Mind: No, it’s probably stomach…all that ice cream was bound to hurt him.
Stomach: ha…ha…Say what you want, but that wasn’t me, and I am not sick.
Emily: Then who was it?!
Leg: (sniffles) ME, your muscle-less leg.
Emily: WHAT!!!  Why haven’t you talked to me before?
Leg: I didn’t need to; you used to jog every morning before you broke up with                    your boyfriend.
Emily: (in an irritated voice) Is there any other part of my body who wishes to                      speak with me?!
Arm: Why actually yes, you need to write more and ….
Leg: I have been so mistreated…
Mind: just get out of the house more…
Arm: exercise these muscles, they are getting weaker…
Stomach: I said feed me! I am sooooo hungry!
Leg: (sobbing) Why? Why, do you never walk anymore…is it because you are sad?            Well, I am sad tooooo…..
Mind: Just get over him, big whoop, he dumped you…
Store clerk: Uh…Miss?
Stomach: Oh! Stay out of this mister; it is my turn to talk to her…
Emily: Well what do you want me to do arm, just give up my soap operas for                       you?...
Arm: Yes, and your chick flicks and your mushy music, an-
Stomach: Uhhh (groans), I am starting to hurt!
Mind: HA! I told you so! Hey, Emily didn’t I tell you so…
Leg: (sobbing uncontrollably) Just walk meeeeee!!!!
Emily: Leg would you just shut up, just for two-….
Store clerk: (Eyes wide) Uh…Miss, would you like paper or plastic?
Emily: Neither. (Leaves the ice cream, dashes out the front entrance and is about                to climb into her car when someone interrupts her)
Homeless dude in old clothes who hasn’t shaven in years: Hey, I heard you in there, you know…(looks around and whispers ) talking to yourself.
Emily: (embarrassed and confused expression) Sorry.
Homeless dude in old clothes who hasn’t shaven in years: It’s ok…Sometimes my body talks to me too. You know….stop drinking…walk me….feed me….weird huh?
Emily: (Jumps into car and speeds away)

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